i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
