I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
