my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
