...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
