Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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