i think i have two assholes
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
