and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize