I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
