My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
