I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
