how can u be prego again
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
