Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
