The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
what day is it and did you see me today?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
