So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
