broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
