And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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