JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize