You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
