I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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