After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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