I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My vagina is officially offended.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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