i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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