And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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