some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize