She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
