I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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