I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
