I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
