Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
