He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
