How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize