Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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