Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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