I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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