i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
