this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
