I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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