I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
