You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
