Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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