my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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