It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
it glows. i had to have it.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize