Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
