i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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