I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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