why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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