You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
