omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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