Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
