My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize