I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
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