There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize