cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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