the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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