cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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