i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
