Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
