my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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