You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
