when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
