Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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