Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
