you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
