Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
